Why

My mother has Alzheimer's Disease. The family learned this just two days after I arrived back here in Massachusetts, having driven across the country just ahead of a moving van full of my stuff, after living in California for 15 years. This happened in early November, 2008.

One of the reasons I returned was to be closer to family. We all knew something wasn't quite right with my mother, although no one was sure exactly what until the specialist told us. It was more shocking to me, which wouldn't seem surprising to most people as I had only been able to see my mother once a year. But what really shocked me was my own level of denial. Beginning several years ago, I began noticing curious lapses of memory and other behavioral issues. When I mentioned them to other relatives, they said "normal aging process." I didn't think so. Then, about a year and a half ago, she had surgery to remove a benign mass in her lung for which she had to undergo general anesthesia. The operation went well, but her memory and some aspects of her personality were never the same again.

That's when the family began to get concerned. And as it turns out, the specialist also said that she had had some strokes, probably as a result of the anesthesia. So I was thinking along the stroke line when the Alzheimer's diagnosis came through. I so much didn't want it to be that, I had simply put it out of my mind.

We are all at the beginning of this. My mother knows, but seems peculiarly unconcerned - especially considering that her mother had dementia for years and my mother was sure it was Alzheimer's and that she would get it. She dreaded that. Maybe her lack of concern is common in Alzheimer's patients, I don't know. I need to read up on this more. Anyway, no one knows where this disease is going in my mother, although I'm sure we're all imagining something similar.

This blog is my attempt to drag myself away from imagining the undoubtedly grim course of this disease in my mother by writing about it as it's happening. Perhaps in some small way, it will help. Please feel free to leave comments.