Yesterday my sister and brother-in-law spent the day with my parents. The main purpose of the visit was to computerize the checkbook tasks. For all of their married life - nearly 58 years - my mother has been in charge of the family finances. She did a great job all of that time, managing the budget and paying all of the bills.
For the past several months, she has been having difficulty balancing the checkbook. This has been causing her much angst. My father has made noises about taking it over, but really, at 88, it seems to be beyond him, in his view. That appears to be his message although he doesn't come out and say it. So my bil, who possesses strong practical financial skills and knowledge, has generously offered to take it over (he handles the finances in that marriage). It's a steep set up curve, but he managed to get through 2 months of checks yesterday. Apparently my folks write many checks.
The bright spot here regarding my mother, is that she remembered without hesitation what all the check entries are. Many of the entries are reportedly mysterious to outsiders, noted in initials or abbreviations rather than spelled out. As bil asked Mum what these things meant, she was able to rattle everything off.
Wonderful, and interesting. While her math logic has clearly been affected by aging or disease or both, her memory for these particular things in her checkbook register has not. Amazing since she often cannot remember something said to her an hour, a day, or a month ago.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Why
My mother has Alzheimer's Disease. The family learned this just two days after I arrived back here in Massachusetts, having driven across the country just ahead of a moving van full of my stuff, after living in California for 15 years. This happened in early November, 2008.
One of the reasons I returned was to be closer to family. We all knew something wasn't quite right with my mother, although no one was sure exactly what until the specialist told us. It was more shocking to me, which wouldn't seem surprising to most people as I had only been able to see my mother once a year. But what really shocked me was my own level of denial. Beginning several years ago, I began noticing curious lapses of memory and other behavioral issues. When I mentioned them to other relatives, they said "normal aging process." I didn't think so. Then, about a year and a half ago, she had surgery to remove a benign mass in her lung for which she had to undergo general anesthesia. The operation went well, but her memory and some aspects of her personality were never the same again.
That's when the family began to get concerned. And as it turns out, the specialist also said that she had had some strokes, probably as a result of the anesthesia. So I was thinking along the stroke line when the Alzheimer's diagnosis came through. I so much didn't want it to be that, I had simply put it out of my mind.
We are all at the beginning of this. My mother knows, but seems peculiarly unconcerned - especially considering that her mother had dementia for years and my mother was sure it was Alzheimer's and that she would get it. She dreaded that. Maybe her lack of concern is common in Alzheimer's patients, I don't know. I need to read up on this more. Anyway, no one knows where this disease is going in my mother, although I'm sure we're all imagining something similar.
This blog is my attempt to drag myself away from imagining the undoubtedly grim course of this disease in my mother by writing about it as it's happening. Perhaps in some small way, it will help. Please feel free to leave comments.
One of the reasons I returned was to be closer to family. We all knew something wasn't quite right with my mother, although no one was sure exactly what until the specialist told us. It was more shocking to me, which wouldn't seem surprising to most people as I had only been able to see my mother once a year. But what really shocked me was my own level of denial. Beginning several years ago, I began noticing curious lapses of memory and other behavioral issues. When I mentioned them to other relatives, they said "normal aging process." I didn't think so. Then, about a year and a half ago, she had surgery to remove a benign mass in her lung for which she had to undergo general anesthesia. The operation went well, but her memory and some aspects of her personality were never the same again.
That's when the family began to get concerned. And as it turns out, the specialist also said that she had had some strokes, probably as a result of the anesthesia. So I was thinking along the stroke line when the Alzheimer's diagnosis came through. I so much didn't want it to be that, I had simply put it out of my mind.
We are all at the beginning of this. My mother knows, but seems peculiarly unconcerned - especially considering that her mother had dementia for years and my mother was sure it was Alzheimer's and that she would get it. She dreaded that. Maybe her lack of concern is common in Alzheimer's patients, I don't know. I need to read up on this more. Anyway, no one knows where this disease is going in my mother, although I'm sure we're all imagining something similar.
This blog is my attempt to drag myself away from imagining the undoubtedly grim course of this disease in my mother by writing about it as it's happening. Perhaps in some small way, it will help. Please feel free to leave comments.
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